Silence

I lied.

I did ask…in a manner of speaking.

I asked for clarification…elaboration…what the hell could your smiley response mean to that deeply exposing text I sent…

And I got silence.

Silence I understand…

Silence needs no clarification…

You’re done…with me…with my big scary emotions…god forbid I put myself out there to you and you just aren’t looking for a relationship…

You said you were…and maybe you are…but just not with me…

All you had to do was say so…say slow down…say back off…and maybe you did…with your silence that I just wouldn’t accept…

But now I will…

Because some piece of me knows that I am better than that…

I’m worth more than all your smiley faces and blow jobs and fucks…

I’m worth more than your silence…

I deserve more.

When Words Die

twisting

spinning

pirouetting

through my grey matter

ideas

not yet complete

mere words

trying to join together to form something more

they beg to be written

streamed

released to the ether

perhaps to touch some other life

to bring meaning

brightness

push away the darkness for a moment or two

endless

they fight to control a thing that cannot be controlled

they keep me awake

wreak havoc in the night

the day

the in-between

I need only write them

free them

give them what they crave

I’m stone-walled

every turn a dead end

an excuse

a fear

that they just won’t be good enough

they just won’t be seen

be heard

be accepted

I just won’t be good enough

seen

heard

accepted

they suffocate

an agonizing death

from which I cannot escape.